Why Wasn’t I Invited?

Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,

An old friend, who’s lived by me forever, didn’t invite me to her Sweet 16 birthday party. I was shocked and hurt.

She invited about 100 kids. She could’ve invited one more person.

We share some friends. They assumed I was going and asked me what I was wearing to the formal party. I told them I wasn’t invited. One friend said I should ask her why I wasn’t, but I can’t just ask, “Why wasn’t I invited?”

I asked a friend to find out for me. She wasn’t happy, but said she’d try.

I just wanted to know why. We haven’t hung out together since 8th grade, but all our shared friends were asked.

I found out she didn’t ask me because I dropped her as a friend and went after the same guy she liked.

I need to know if I should try talking to her and apologize. Maybe it’s not too late to go to her party.

Not invited

Dear Friend,

We all want to belong and feel loved. We all haven’t been invited somewhere at sometime. However, it seems to hurt the worst when we expect to be invited.

There are many reasons for not receiving an invitation. It’s personal for the inviter, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

Some tips for not being invited:

• Find out why you want to be invited so badly – Is it FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) or do you want to attend an exciting event, whoever is doing the inviting?

• Accept that you weren’t invited – Replace that night with another friend and a different activity. Don’t dwell all night on why you weren’t invited or you risk making your other friend the brunt of your resentment. Have a pity-party first and then enjoy your night.

• Vent alone – Venting to your close friends can help for a short time, but you could make your friends feel guilty they were invited and you weren’t. That could cause them to avoid you because you’ll oppress their enthusiasm. It’s not healthy for your relationships or you.

• Speak directly to the inviter – Start by “saving face” (make it private) and ask how you may have offended her. Ask her how you can mend your relationship. Be genuine and make your conversation about your connection, not about her function. People can sense when we care more about having an entertaining night and less about the person.

Your goodness and worth is your truth. Not everyone is going to like you all the time and you don’t have to judge yourself based on other people’s opinions.

Rhonda and Dr. Cheri

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