“Pretty Woman” Shaming

Dear Rhonda and Dr. Cheri,

I am a young, confident business woman who travels for my career. I have a degree in architecture. I earned my magna sum laude. My husband is handsome, smart, and a nurse, who tells me not to worry about the many “pretty shamers.” No one shames him for taking care of himself, so why do (mostly) women shame me?

I’m 29 and have twin girl toddlers. I’ve been told I’m ruining them by making them feel they have to be pretty, also, just because I dress them up.

I teach seminars and I’ve been accused of caring too much about my looks (which automatically means I’m setting the feminist movement back), having a breast augmentation (which is none of their business), and false eyelashes (which I don’t wear).

The real kicker is that these women write those comments on seminar surveys. Many of them hold PhD’s. Why don’t they comment on how intelligent, thought-provoking, and helpful the content of my seminar is? More men make worthwhile comments.


Don’t Deserve It

Dear Young Woman,

We’re sorry that you are experiencing unnecessary shame. You’ve done nothing to deserve bad attitudes and snarky remarks.

Stay professional and keep displaying your intelligence and kind demeanor.  People who are rude, snide, or sarcastic, are usually unhappy with themselves.

Top reasons some women shame attractive women:

  1. Competition – Attractive women are leading targets for others who don’t want the pressure of looking good. Apparently, beauty and brains are still not allowed.
  2. Resentment – Some women resent pretty ladies because they don’t want to put time into grooming, instead of letting others define themselves as they wish.
  3. Differing values – Those who decide their values don’t include presenting themselves a certain way, are free to choose their own perspective. However, being judgmental isn’t a good value.
  4. “Pretty-shaming” – Some women don’t consider their gossiping, ostracizing, or slut-shaming pretty women to be bullying, which it is.
  5. Lack of civility – Some women don’t feel confident for myriad reasons, which stunts their ability to be caring, considerate, and courteous.
  6. True feminism – What does feminism have to do with grooming? It has more to do with being free to choose, without someone stigmatizing them for their choices.

If we could teach our young girls to define themselves with important values, without peer pressure, they would experience less bullying, suicides, and self-loathing.

If you can continue being an example, young mom, by uniquely defining yourself the way that empowers you, you and your daughters may have joy and peace.

Bullies want you to wallow in their misery, so they can feel “more-than.” Don’t give in.


Rhonda and Dr. Cheri

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